Thursday, March 24, 2011

A Wild ProverbialMayhem Post Appears!

Wow, craziest thing just happened. So I'm sitting around, going about my day like a normal person, and then WHOOMPH - I'm sucked through a wormhole and suddenly it's like, a month in the future. So uhmmm...that's why there have been no new posts. Crazy how those wormholes work, huh?

Anyone who says that I was simply being lazy obviously has no understanding of science.
Right, so...let's see what I can talk about here. Few brief updates from the last month:

Remember how I was single last time you read this? Yeah that didn't change.

I've joined a new a cappella group on campus so the sultry sweet sound of my melodious voice can make musical love to your eardrums on a regular basis.

The weather in northeastern Pennsylvania is an absolute troll. It taunts me with the sight of green (or at least dull brown) and then yanks away any thought of spring with an icy fist. I mean, COME ON.

And also this happened:

That it is ladies, and gentlemen. It's all over. The best song has been written and nothing in the world will ever be this good again. We, as a society, have reached our peak and it's only a matter of time until we're just savages watching the man with the crookit spoon gouge eyes out at Sloosha's Crossin'. (Bonus points to you if you can name what I just referenced.)

Seriously though, I need to talk about this for a minute. No, the song is not good. It's quite badly written. HOWEVER, this does NOT mean that anyone, anywhere, ever, has a right to hate this poor girl. She didn't even write the damn thing.

I can't stand that trait in people. No, you don't hate Justin Beiber, you don't even know him. You wouldn't kill him if you had the chance, so stop saying that you would. Rebecca Black should NOT cut herself because you don't like her song. Seriously? The only two reasons you can really have for saying something like this are:

A) you're jealous that they're successful at such a young age
B) You're a horrendous, psychopathic human being who sadistically harms others for enjoyment.
C)You're jumping on the band wagon because someone from either choice A or B started this trend and now you want to be part of that crowd.

If it's A, well then get over yourself. Sometimes people get lucky, sometimes they deserve their fame. But look, these people did nothing against you personally so stop saying that you HATE these people. You wouldn't say that to any random stranger on the street, so afford these people the same courtesy.

If it's keep doing what you're doing but stay away from my house.

Likely it's C though. I don't really know what to say to people that do this other than what I said for A. You don't hate these people. If any of you met Rebecca Black in the street I highly doubt that you would look her in the eye and tell her that she's the worst singer you've ever heard, and that you hate her with the fury of a thousand suns. So...maybe stop saying that.

And now my first post in a month or so has turned into a boring rant about a trivial yeah. For those of you that begged for an update, taste the fury of my scorn! Anyway, I'm going to try to get back into the writing groove so be on the lookout for more posts! Woo!

This is a blobfish. Now my post is funny again. =D
P.S. - Huh, interesting. I was just setting the publishing settings for this post when I realized that it will be going up on March 24th. That's my birthday. Didn't even realize that until I wrote this. Well, then, this is a birthday present from me to you guys! Happy birthday to me, from me, to you!

Sunday, February 13, 2011


Let's get this out of the way first: yes I drew that, no it's not great, yes I still think it illustrates the point pretty nicely.

Anyway, don't feel too bad if you can't pronounce that word up there, it's not an English word anyway.

It comes to us courtesy of the Yagan language, the language of the people native to Tierra del Fuego, and it's absolutely one of my favorite words that we don't have in our language. It's a word that so deep and emotional, and so prevalent that I feel like our language is missing out by not having something like it.

The reason I'm posting this now is because of the big day looming on the horizon: Valentine's Day. For some people, it's the happiest day of the year, filled with love and emotion and a sense of attachment and gratitude for being part of a couple. For others (and I know more than a few people who are this way this year) it's a reminder of how depressingly single you are.

The funniest and saddest meme that exists on the internet.

Now, disclaimer (especially to my mom who reads this every now and again [Hi mom!]), I'm fine with being single, really I am. I'm a happy, laid-back guy who is really enjoying college. However, every once in awhile, especially around Valentine's Day, it's a little apparent that I'm definitely missing something in my life.

This is where that little comic comes in up the top. Thinking about that word it strikes me that unless someone makes the first move, nothing is ever going to happen. No matter how much that guy and that girl on the bench up there want to have a conversation, unless someone opens up their mouth, nothing is going to happen.

So my challenge for myself is to avoid that experience, avoid mamihlapinatapei. If I don't put myself out there, I'm just gonna end up like forever alone guy, sad and bulbous and creepy as hell.

Anyway, those are my feelings on Valentine's Day. I hope this didn't come off as depressing because it really wasn't meant to be. I actually intended it to be a little more inspirational than depressing hahaha. Anyway, back to entertainment for the next post! Woo!

P.S. - To the girls out there: this isn't the middle ages anymore. If you like one of us guys, go for it! We like to see that you're interested! It's cute and awesome and can jump start something the guy may be too nervous to go for.  If you never show any interest you may never see any from the guy you're after, because he thinks you don't like him! So that comic up there is for you girls, too!

Friday, February 11, 2011

I hate my keyboard at the moment

Just a quick update today.

My roommate accidentally spilled a cup of Hawaiian punch on my keyboard and now it has ceased to function correctly.

It's covered under my warranty but it'll be a few days before I have a fully functioning keyboard again, so please forgive me if posting is kinda sporadic. It's difficult to type when I pretty much need to pound the spacebar with my fist to get it to press.

Thanks guys!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

The Coolest Thing I Know Of

Aaaaaaaaand I'm back! Sorry about the lack of posts recently, I've been busy as hell recently, but that is college I suppose right? Expanding horizons, robbing me of sleep and whatnot.

Anyway, I'm here today to share, as the intensely worded title says, the coolest thing I think I've ever done: lucid dreaming.

So here's the basic concept. Everyone knows what dreaming is. If you don't you're either a psychopath or an elf (because they don't sleep...get it? Crap my geek is showing).

So about 99.9-100% of the time, most people won't realize that they're dreaming. Things just make sense in dreams. You enter the dream, and the fact that you're a pig is about as interesting as a week old bowl of oatmeal. 

If this were any less exciting it would have Larry King's voice.

So you go about your dream business for a few minutes, the dream ends, and you're a more mentally stable person because of it.

Now, as illustrated in the point made above, the rules of our reality don't apply to dreams. So how cool would it be if you could recognize when you're dreaming and then do whatever you wanted? And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what lucid dreaming is.

I encourage everyone reading this to go read some of the great pages on the interwebs that have to do with teaching yourself to lucid dream, because it's really worth it if you can make it happen. Taking a few simple steps in your daily routine (namely reality checks, a short mantra before bed, and a dream journal) can have you dreaming lucidly in just a few weeks if you're lucky, which I was.

Really, you can do anything you want when you go lucid in your dream. I tried this lucid dreaming experiment this past summer, after I had graduated high school. I was having a dream that I was back in a math class from 11th grade. It seemed normal, except it was with a teacher that I didn't much like.

I was thinking about how it sucked that I had to go through two more years of high school, when the whole situation struck me as odd. Something wasn't right. For instance, the class looked really different than I remembered, and I could swear that I had already been accepted to college. And just like that, I was lucid.

I knew I was dreaming. It was exciting as hell. Imagine suddenly realizing that anything you wanted, anything at all, was a thought away. I was practically ready to explode from anticipation.

Mind blowing POWER!!
So what did I do? Well if you know something about me from reading my blog a bit, you know that more than pretty much anything I want a superpower. And where else was I gonna get this chance? I jumped out the window and took off into a thunderstorm.

And this is what it looked like.

Now I know it sounds cheesy when you think about it, but just imagine it. You know how real a dream feels while you're in it. Everything is as realistic as your brain can produce it. Imagine being able to do this. Imagine how it would actually feel if you could fly among the dark, crackling clouds of an oncoming tempest.

It was terrifying.

It was awesome.

And it was easily the most amazing thing I've ever done.

So if you ever get a chance and feel like performing an experiment for yourself, try getting yourself to go lucid. It's pretty easy to take the steps toward it, and the payout literally could not be potentially larger. I've only managed to do it once, but it doesn't make it any less worth it. I plan on going back to the routine soon so that I can experience that again.

Finally, I'll share some of my favorite ideas for a lucid dream:
1. Fly in a thunderstorm - I can personally recommend this. It's amazing.
2. Take our your phone, and call yourself. You will answer. Have fun talking to your subconscious. Ask it something.
3. Sexy time?
4. Visit somewhere you might never get to see. Don't limit yourself to Earth either.
5. Seriously, sexy time.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Oh you keep me busy.

Just letting people know I'm not dead! Woo!

But yeah I've been super busy lately and haven't had much time to write a lot, but I promise I will as a soon as I get a chance.

Anyway, since I feel like you should at least not regret clicking the link to this page, here's one of the coolest videos I've seen this week.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Something to Share


Hey guys! I've been writing a lot lately and having a great time but I needed a short break so I decided to share this with you guys instead of writing a big long post. So yeah, I'm being lazy, but that doesn't change the fact that this video is great.

It's tough to get a point across in three and a half minutes, but this little guy manages to do it. And I felt like the theme of it coincided with the theme of my short story the other day (which you should go read if you haven't yet) about the brevity of life and how you need to enjoy it while it's happening. So, enjoy, and I'll be back to writing awesome stuff soon!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Death poison of DEATH

The biggest worry about going off to college this past year wasn't the classes. It wasn't being away from home. It wasn't even whether my grades were going to be good or not.

It was whether or not my roommate was going to like me.

All over the media, from books to movies to television shows to music, one of the main things that can go wrong with your college years is being stuck with a roommate that you don't get along with. Now I wouldn't say that I'm a difficult person to get along with. I usually like everyone I meet.

But I will say that I'm kind of...well...quirky, maybe. I'd call myself a geek. I'd sooner go LARPing than play sports (and if you don't know what that is...go look it up and then laugh), don't drink, and pretty much do whatever I feel would be fun. A lot of people like this about me, but there are certain types of people that would like to just call me strange and move on.

So when our roommate assignments came out, I had a few reasons to be nervous. In the digital age, you can find out anything you want about a person from a few clicks on their facebook page. So...when my profile picture was this:

Seriously, this was one of the most fun times I've ever had. But granted, I may look SLIGHTLY silly.

And the first tagged video of me was THIS: 

Then you can maybe see why I had a few reasons to be concerned. I refused to change my profile picture and de-tag the video because I wanted my future roomie to know what he was in for. But I was still nervous about the whole thing.

So imagine how afraid I am when we finally get our roommate assignments, and my roomie Ryan's  first tagged video is of him, shirtless, performing a front-flip just for giggles. Yeah, I was pretty sure he was going to hate me. Not that I was going to dislike him, but he just wasn't going to like me. (Looking back now, Ryan has told me that the first thing he did was watch that video up there, and he was pretty sure he was going to hate me too hahaha!)

In my mind, this is how mornings would play out:

Ryan gets up for class, sans shirt. 
Ryan: AAHHHHH YES. Mine abs are feeling particularly fresh this fine morn! In fact, I think they may be feeling even better than yesterday! I jest of course, one cannot improve on perfection.  
Ryan laughs heartily, I die a bit inside. 

Slightly irrational, I know, but you can't blame me for fearing the worst.

Thankfully things turned out much better than expected. Ryan and I actually get along rather swimmingly, and he can make me laugh harder than most individuals I know. I still do things that he thinks are weird, but at least I don't get condemned for them...or at least not much.

The amount of inside jokes that Ryan and I have made are insane. Oftentimes at three or four in the morning people will ask us to quiet down because we're laughing hysterically at some video or picture or comic or just a ridiculous rant that one of us went on. Some future post or two will be on this subject.

So yeah, I'm glad with the way things turned out. It's made this whole college thing FAR easier and much more enjoyable.

And Ryan, since I know you're reading this, here's something you'll enjoy: